Joy

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Joy may refer to:

Regardless…

Joy has always been an emotion first and foremost for me.  It’s the feeling beyond happiness, beyond satisfaction, that starts in the pit of your stomach and overwhelms you.  For many years, making theatre brought me this kind of joy.

But somewhere along the way in Boston, I lost it.  I was living in this tiny apartment with windows that overlooked a brick wall.  I was broke.  I had a terrible job in foodservice and went home every day smelling of yeast.  In fact, I spent more hours making pastry than making theatre.  Things were not working out in the glamourous way that I thought they would, and there was no forseeable end to the downward spiral.

And then, Michelle called.  She was working in my old job at Silk Road Theatre Project, and the show they were doing was extending.  She needed someone to run wardrobe for two weeks until the new closing.  “Me!  Me me me!  Pick me!”  I said.  She was understandably startled.  I had been the production and facilities manager of the company when I left, quite a bit farther up the totem pole than wardrobe supervisor.  But I couldn’t stand my Boston life any longer.  Something needed to change.  This was it. I could feel it.

I was wrong.

I had a good time in Chicago.  The show was awesome, the cast amazed me night after night, and the audiences left satisfied.  But it didn’t bring my joy of theatre back.  I didn’t have the deep and swelling love of the stage that I had boasted before I left.  It was, in short, not the life-changing return that I hoped for.  I went home to Boston a little disappointed, a lot confused, and resolved that this would be my last show.  If it didnt’ bring me joy, then I was quitting theatre.  And I did.

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One thought on “Joy

  1. Hey Allie! I was just Googling Silk Road Theatre Project and your blog post came up. I just want you to know that it was a true JOY for us when you came to help out with SCORCHED. Having you there, knowing we’re in hands of someone we’ve entrusted so many of our shows to, was beautiful. Having you there with us at Pastor Blackwell’s home in the sky and sharing a drink with you is a memory I cherish. Love you lots, Malik

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